My heart

So school started today... again we walk through the same halls and see the faces, some old, some new.  Back to the grind some people would refer to it.  To me it was refreshing that school started in the cold, and in the snow... the ice. It's like when I think of Norway or Sweden it's always cold, and there's snow... the ice.  Beautiful places near the arctic, near the oceans and seas.  You look at the jagged coastline of Norway and see old houses and sea-ports.  It's makes me happy to think about these places. They're are simple fishing villages, simple village folk. Nothing to care about but to enjoy life.  To me, snow represents purity.  The soft blue that emits from the snow reflecting the sky is beautiful. A fresh start. That's when I realized to stop worrying... about my future, my joblessness, my school-work, my life in general.  When Jesus called me into the ministry, He didn't hand me a book and wish me good luck.  I've been worrying and "striving" to get where I think I'm supposed to go.  It finally sunk in today.  For the last few months I've quit seeking... gotten bored with my walk. I've always loved Jesus and always will. It's just that it wasn't fresh. I wasn't okay with who I was... and now I am.  I'm gonna let Him take me to those places I'm supposed to go.  I'm gonna start seeking and let Him put things where they're supposed to go in my life.  He guides our steps.  I'm gonna start thinking that literally.  Every place I go and every opportunity I get is not gonna be because I've gone out and found it, but it's gonna be because He put it there.  He really does guide our steps as long as we spend time with Him.  I'm called to play guitar and record music.  I'm not gonna seek after jobs and strive to find my place in this world.  I'm gonna let Him put everything in place.  Who needs a plan to fall back on when Jesus already has your path planned out for you? I'm comin out of the storm.  A fresh start to this year.  I'm okay with who I am now.  I don't go crazy and get the shakes during worship. I dont have to jump around and dance to worship my God.  I don't have to talk all proper when I pray.  I can tell Jesus how I really feel because He won't judge me. Even if i'm so mad and frustrated.  I can wear my heart on my sleeve if I want to, because He already knows how we feel.  And He will love us through our problems.  I'm human, I was created human, I will remain human until He returns.  So, I'm gonna mess up, get frustrated, doubt, and do all those other things because of that. He just wants us to acknowledge that He is God, and He wants us to let Him love us and for us to love Him.  That's it.  It's so simple but we lose focus.  I do all the time.  Tomorrow I'm gonna probably wake up and feel horrible.  That's how satan likes to attack me.  I wake up and feel worthless and unworthy.  So what,  I'm still loved and I have heaven to look forward too.  Let Him guide your steps and feel free to cry on his shoulder.  He'll listen even if your are not.  It's so good to know.  This semester is gonna be easy.  I was really stressin today because of this one class.  But now I know its gonna work out.  Jesus is gonna help me with it.  For so long I thought I was supposed to go all crazy and dance around during worship.  I'm so over that.  If that's your thing... go for it.  For me I would rather sit and meditate, or lie down and soak.   I'm sitting or laying down at his feet. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but the greatest praise you could give God is to sit down and acknowledge that He is God.  He says it in Psalms "be still, and know that I am God."    Mary sat at Jesus feet.  Oh man, she is the epitomy of what the bride of Christ should look like.  A sinner but a servant.  Eager to hear to voice of Jesus.  Soaking in His prescence.  She wasn't perfect and neither are we.  We're the same as the hooker that sat at Jesus feet.  What does that say?  We're no better than the meth head in projects a few blocks from our houses.  The hooker at the street corner in that bad part of town.  That homeless guy that was always trying to sell you something so that he could get his fix on drugs or food.   That weird kid that comes to whatever on that certain night of the month at our church. We're no better than the least of these.  That's where He's gonna lead us I think.  Sorry to rant but I'm am just pouring out my heart, and breathing a sigh of relief because Papa has us covered.  He listens to us, whether we cuss Him out or cry.  He doesn't judge, He loves.  And I'm not perfect but thats okay with Jesus.  He never really associated with "Perfect" people