tough

This year has been rough. A battle everyday it seems like.  Struggling to stay the course.  I wish I had peace and joy; they seem so far away, almost like a light at the end of a tunnel.  A tunnel so dark you can't see the light at the end but you just have faith that it is.  That's how my walk with Jesus has been. I'm not gonna put on a show and pretend like I'm happy just to make it through the day.  That's bull, and people shouldn't live like that. It's not healthy. Neither is the way I live either, I guess. If you pretend to have something that you really don't have, thats just as bad as lying. The same entity in different forms. Lying is sin.  Pretending to have joy when you really don't is sin. That's the way I choose to live. I'll suffer through it. It's not as bad as what Paul went through.  There is a light, and I'll keep walking until I find it. I just hope it's soon